Questionable Desires
by Fatal-Rei
Summary: Yuki struggles with his feeligns for Tohru, having realized that she is no longer the person he desires. Torn between his heart's calling and Tohru's feelings, Yuki must decide whether of not to break her heart to save his own...or lie is love for Tohru i


**Chapter One** – Opening the Wound

**Rating** – PG

**Summary** – Is being with someone because you once loved them a good reason to stay in a relationship? Or is staying in a relationship purely for sympathy or compassion of friendship wrong? Can loving someone so faithfully that you're willing to lie to keep them happy considered a good deed…or the biggest sin of all? Yuki struggles between the thin line of what is right and what is wrong as he begins to question his relationship with Tohru Honda.

**A/N** – This story is based around a problem I've been dealing with recently. Bet you can't guess which character is standing in as me! This was supposed to be a one-shot thing but, by the looks of it, it might end up being a short story after all. As the story progress, it slowly fades out of my situation, which is probably a good thing. Hope you like it!

"Yuki-kun," Tohru sweetly whispered into Yuki's ear. "Yuki-kun?" Yuki, who had busied himself deep within his thoughts, looked surprisingly at the brunette. Tohru smiled at him as she sat down, gazing into his eyes with concern. "Is everything alright? You seem worried about something." He eased his face into a relaxed smile, sighing as he did so. She was always fussing over him whenever she felt he was unhappy. It was something he loved about her.

"There's nothing wrong, Honda-san. I was just thinking about something. I guess I got carried away," he assured her, grabbing her hand and giving it a small squeeze. Tohru smiled at him and left him to put away their dishes from breakfast. Watching her leave, he sighed with relief that she bought his persuasive lie, and returned to his deep thinking. Tohru came back into the room, carefully pulling her jacket onto her arm as she made her way to the door. "Are you going somewhere?"

Tohru turned to answer him after she finished buttoning her jacket. "Ou-chan and Hana-chan wanted me to go out with them. I'm sorry; I thought I had told you." Her face quickly turned from its pleasant smile into a worried frown. "Do you need me for something, Yuki-kun?"

Yuki made his way over to her as she fretted over his question, opening the door for her. "Go enjoy yourself, Honda-san." His words, now genuine, eased Tohru's worries as she resumed smiling at him.

"It's Tohru-kun, remember? I mean, I don't mind if you want to call me Honda-san still," she told him as she passed him, turning around with a last minute smile. "It just seems awkward to be so formal when you're dating someone. Bye, Yuki-kun!"

It was true. Yuki had asked Tohru to become his girlfriend on their last year of high school, making his announcement just after graduation. Tohru had accepted that night at Shigure's house and the two spent their summer as a couple. Though some objected to his arrangement (Kyo was outraged and heartbroken when he found out) most accepted their relationship. Summer passed as time came for college acceptance. It had already been decided that Kyo, Tohru, and Yuki would attend the local college.

_I don't regret anything between us,_ Yuki thought to himself. _Honda-san…Tohru-kun is the woman I love most dearly in this world._ His love for Tohru had never wavered since their relationship together. But it was during recent times that he had begun to notice that his love for her hadn't grown either. Slowly but surely, he began to generalize his love and now question its meaning. _She's my lover…I love her._

"So why are you sitting here questioning if you still do?" Yuki's head jerked to the door to see Haru standing there, leaning against the post with his arms folded. Yuki didn't answer the question but rather looked puzzled at how Haru knew what he was thinking. "Well? If you love her so much, how come you're sitting here pondering if she still means something to you?" Yuki turned away, unable to answer the question. "Mm-hm. I thought as much." He walked over to his saddened friend, positioning himself in front of so he could talk face-to-face. "So, what's up?"

It took some time but Haru finally got the truth out of Yuki. It had been about an hour since Haru's arrival before Yuki had decided to finally tell him. By this time, the two had ventured outside, walking aimlessly around a cherry blossom tree in the backyard. "Back then, when I looked into her eyes, I saw a part of me that had been missing. She was what completed me as a person, and not just the avenging soul of the rat. But now…when I look into her eyes, all I see now is—"

"A girl who loves you in a way you're not capable of," Haru finished for him, staring contently at a cherry blossom that was falling. Yuki quickly looked at Haru, a little shocked that he was able to communicate on his level of emotion. Feeling Yuki's stare, Haru cocked his head slightly in Yuki's direction, smiling at him.

Yuki took a step forward. "How—"

"Did I know?" Haru scuffed a bit as he thought of his answer. He turned to face Yuki, leaning in dangerously close so that their faces were only inches away; though Yuki never moved. Instead, he stared back into Haru's eyes. "Because it's the same look you've given me my entire life," Haru whispered. Yuki turned away, his face flushed with guilt.

He had always known that Haru's constant jokes of loving him were never really jokes at all. He knew that Haru truly loved him the way no one could. Even with that knowledge, Yuki couldn't bring himself to love Haru the same way in return. "I'm sorry," he whispered so softly Haru barely caught his words.

"Don't be." Haru shrugged off the eerie tension between them and slowly walked back to the house. "You can't blame someone for not loving you if the love isn't there," he went on but stopped in his tracks. Not bothering to turn around, he continued with his words. "Yuki…it's okay if you don't love Honda-san; it's natural. But if that's the case then…"

"Yuki-kun?" Tohru appeared from the door, her head turning this way and that looking for him. Spotting them, she smiled and ran over. "Hatsuharu-san! Konichiwa!" Haru, having set aside what he was saying, greeted Tohru as well. "Are you staying for lunch? I'd be happy to make something for you!"

He smiled politely and gestured towards Yuki. "No thanks, Honda-san. I came to see Yuki. So, now that I have, I can be on my way." He nodded towards Yuki and left. Yuki, still standing there, lingered on Haru's unfinished sentence.

_What was he going to say? 'But if that's the case then'… then what?_

It wasn't long before nightfall arrived. With it, came the soft winds and the sweet smell of spring. Yuki sat at his windowsill, gazing out at the starless night. Content with being alone, he closed his eyes and smiled to himself. It was then he heard the soft pattering of feet at the door. "Hond—Tohru-kun?" He turned in time to see Tohru enter carrying a thin blue blanket in her arms. She handed it to him, telling him she thought he might be cold before folding into his arms and sitting between his legs to gaze with him. "The gardens will need a lot of attention," he told her excitedly. "The strawberries should be especially sweet."

"It is spring break," Tohru replied with the same enthusiasm. "We'll have plenty of time to take care of them." A steady silence fell between them, neither one willing to break its enchantment. "Yuki?" Yuki nuzzled her hair to show he was listening, closing his eyes as he took in her sweet scent. "Aisuru."

His eyes slowly opened, taking in what she said. He hesitated before answering her. "Aisuru." _I** do** love you. I love you…Honda-san._

**A/N** – There it is! I feel a little better after writing this. Like I had previously stated, the story is drifting from my real situation. Maybe it's because I know what's going to happen in later chapters or perhaps I'm the only one inside everyone's head (duh, I am the omniscient narrator…stupid me) and I know their response to future events. Hmm, I think I think too much about these things. Anyways, I hope you're interested in what's going to happen.

**Preview for the Next Chapter** – Love Kills

"**There's never been a day where I don't thank god that he's with me." **

"**I've been hiding something from you." **

"**There's nothing I wouldn't do for him."**

"**It's been killing me inside."**

"**Deep down I know we feel the same way." **

"**I love you..."**

"**I love Yuki-kun."**

"**But I'm not in love with you…."**

((Side note – for the stupid, these quotes don't really come after one another like this.))


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